As an American male, sole income provider, changing into a submissive no-income provider.
That is one way to look at it, and was the first hurdle for me.
I will not be "earning" an income. This was a hard one, easier for my wife than for me because she has been dependent on me for a while.
Questions like "well, what is my contribution to this family now?" or "how am I to judge the value of my skills without an income associated?"
I got over the first hurdle by submitting that part of Faith is believing in God to supply.
Hurdle #2 - income - learning to not see money as "income" so much as a tangible way people would joining the ministry. And learning that it isn't "our" ministry as in my family's but "our" ministry in that God is joining all the different folks to do something and money and prayer are a huge part of it.
I have never been the type who has wanted to make people have to sacrifice. I don't like to sit in the nice "dad" chair at other people's homes, I don't like to be the topic of conversation because it means we're not talking about someone else. I don't like to have folks get up to fill my glass. It isn't a pride in self-sufficience, but a recognition that I do not make it my aim in life to make others serve me. I prefer to be the server. I also realize that there are different skills that folks have.
-I find sacrificial giving tough
-I find going ... not as tough
-I find praying ..not so tough.
So when people give us money, I see that as the toughest thing to do and am overwhelmed and honored by it. I in fact at first feel bad because I know that these people have made a decision to go -without- something in order to do this. This is a hard hurdle to overcome, the feeling that you are putting someone else out.
I'm excited to share that while this is a process, my Bible Study today helped me to clear that hurdle. This is a huge hurdle for me. Getting a check from a friend, made me feel honored, overwhelmed, sick to my stomach, excited, and guilty... months ago.
I feel like I get to do God's work, and not foot the bill. We get to see exciting places, do what we see as our dream job, while other people do all the "work" and sacrifice to make our dreams come true. That is how it seemed at first. I've never felt that this going was a sacrifice, not yet, I probably won't until I'm there sacrificing. From the time God put it on our hearts I've felt there is simply nothing else I'd rather be doing.
So I write this to share with you our excitement as we go through this metamorphosis of mind and heart. Our minds have told us, God will provide partners and it'll be exciting to see who they are. But today my heart finally kicked in when I read this:
Matt 6:24 (the Message)
24"You can't worship two gods at once. Loving one god, you'll end up hating the other. Adoration of one feeds contempt for the other. You can't worship God and Money both.
25"If you decide for God, living a life of God-worship, it follows that you don't fuss about what's on the table at mealtimes or whether the clothes in your closet are in fashion. There is far more to your life than the food you put in your stomach, more to your outer appearance than the clothes you hang on your body. 26Look at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, careless in the care of God. And you count far more to him than birds.
27"Has anyone by fussing in front of the mirror ever gotten taller by so much as an inch? 28All this time and money wasted on fashion--do you think it makes that much difference? Instead of looking at the fashions, walk out into the fields and look at the wildflowers. They never primp or shop, 29but have you ever seen color and design quite like it? The ten best--dressed men and women in the country look shabby alongside them.
30"If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers--most of which are never even seen--don't you think he'll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? 31What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving. 32People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. 33Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.
34"Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.
It's that GREAT? I have always read this as "focus on God and He will meet your needs." But today I read this as "others, when they give money to this ministry, and make it THEIR ministry, they are focussing on God and that I (chad) shouldn't worry about what they might be sacrificing, because God is going to bless them, God is going to supply for them."
How awkward I was before today that someone felt that we... were important enough to sacrifice for... and yet honored at the same time... but that we were the cause of this sacrifice. And now I see that isn't the case at all. God is the cause, and the reason and will receive the Glory and is the catalyst and the provider, and the insurer, and the receiver.
To be honest, it is hard for me to take a compliment. And I see compliments in everything people do. An invitation to dinner says "we want to be around you." This honors me. Being asked to be in a wedding party, being asked into a home, being given a gift, being paid a verbal compliment. All of these things surprise me, and make me feel unworthy and yet so appreciative. So appreciative that there are no words or actions to communicate it.
I now have a new hurdle (-; removing myself as the perceived object of the giving. I have to confess, to feel guilt or honor for receiving a gift is pride based. I have wrongfully put myself in the center of a ministry that doesn't belong to me. It's God's. For that same reason taking a compliment now is praise to God not to me, receiving a check, is money given to God, not to me. I don't feel it's wrong to be elated about a compliment or a gift but I do believe the right thing to do is to give that glory to God.
At the same time, though, the wonderful thing is that the Spirit is working through personal relationships. The reason you are giving of your prayers and gifts to this ministry is because of the relationship God has inspired between us. The fabric of His plan is magnificent in that you can simultaneously give to God and to us and to yourself and your family and to the "church".
There is no counterfeit for a Gift from God a "God Thing". It is amazing how one action can be so far reaching and so personal.
You ever get those goosebumps when God unveils a tiny part of His plan to you?
WOW! I mean wow.
Wow #1 - God has something planned... and it's big. He's amassing people together to accomplish it, and it is not because of us, or in spite of us, it is simply all God bringing all of us together! Wow. WOW.
Wow #2 - We are joining together not because of common interests or goals which we have, but because God's Spirit is speaking to our hearts, and combining us to unification for the Glory of God. WOW! I mean is that not exactly what it talks about in Ephesians 4:13?
This is a sensitive subject, and presents many hurdles for people, but I can tell you right now even as I write this, my soul is so excited and jazzed, GLORY to God,.. shout it out right now...
God is great... His plan is outside of my comprehension. He has spoken to my heart today and shown me that He is at work through you.
Thank you so much.
I suppose I can summarize this entire entry as:
I see the process of partnershpi in two ways based on the Scripture quoted above: 1 – God will provide for my family, don’t worry just focus on Him be willing and God will be glorified. But ALSO, 2 – do not feel guilt for those that sacrificially give to this ministry, because sacrificing for God is good, and He will provide for them as well as for us.
In a way giving means we(the going, the giving, the sending, the praying) are becoming partners in relying on God to supply our needs, and in watching for the Glory He will be given.
