life seems crazy

A turbulent life, can be a matter of perspective.

Proverbs 18:10 The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous run into it and are safe.

Nehemiah 8:10 Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.

Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Control is an illusion.  I learned this the day my daughter was born.  See, I used to be a tad of a control freak.  I mean, okay maybe not freak, but if I didn't have control of something, a project, whatever, I could relinquish control, but it always caused me stress.

Letting someone else drive for a while, is hard.  Most of us strive for comfort, for stability.

Lately a few things seem so much 'in the air' that we're wondering 'okay God, what are you doing?'  We're in our mid 40's, shouldn't life be pretty much settled?

But as my wife and I were discussing how turbulent life seems these days, I stopped to think 'um, it's been turbulent for over 12 years.'  We just had a nice calm 2 year stretch there, so we forgot.

If life were settled and safe and all planned out, I think I'd one day be sitting on my recliner thinking 'so, no more surprises in life? hrm.... seems dull.'   Right now I could do with a little more 'dull'.

But I get it.  I understand that the most interesting, safe, exciting, turbulent place to be, is right where God wants me.

Anyone who thinks they know what the next 2 years will bring them, may be in for a surprise.  We can never truly know, but we can draw near to Him who does know.

I often say 'I just want to know what's going to happen!' but then I think that the cost of knowing may be too steep, and choose to be okay not knowing.  Still, it's a daily discipline to remember to let God drive.


One of those days

It was one of those days where so many little things went wrong, that I
can't even remember them all to make note of it.

Every single thing that could go wrong today did. But none of it was
huge, just annoying. I want to rant about it but I can't because I just
spent an hour trying to unblock my Credit Card via skype at 1am, and
kept calling the wrong number because my eyes are weary.

If you got an illegible text from me today, it's because my cell phone
is stupid.


Running Silent

My daughter texted me the other day and said "Dad your blog has been
silent lately. I like reading your thoughts."  Well there's two reasons
for that.

1 - I am responsible for maintaining a blog called the PNG Experience
which catalogs stories of ministry in PNG.  And until recently I thought
IFTTT was linking it to my blog.


2 - For nearly 4 years now I've been in a leadership position of some
type and most of the things I spend my time on, are not for public
consumption.  Usually they are sensitive issues that require a modicum
of confidentiality and respect.

My major role is being responsible for communication and as such, my own
communication should be responsible and well thought out. Which is sort
of the antithesis of my blog.  My blog was always me just sharing what
was on my heart at the time, and not always well thought out.

Each time I've come to write something I have these thoughts:

-Should I be sharing this?

-Does anyone read my blog anymore?  Maybe I should just put it on Facebook?

-But I don't really like Facebook.

-Meh, it's probably better to just say nothing at this juncture and see
how it pans out.

So while my blog may be more boring than it once was, maybe mark it as a
sign of maturity?  Some people used to say 'you have too much time on
your hands.'  I mean, I wrote a book, only people who have a ton of time
can afford to write a book!

The truth is, yeah I've been busy doing things I can't really publicize
until it's time to publicize them, but even then, I choose not to
because it's not about me, it's about God through me.

I'm afraid, I have in fact, become, dull.  I mean my life isn't dull,
but what I can share about each of my days is limited and thus, dull.

I'm okay with that.

So for those of you who wondered why my blog got quiet, this is the main
reason.  I take my job very seriously, I take confidentiality seriously,
and I haven't really found the time to parse through the parts of my day
I can share.  I think, maybe, my blog is dying if it isn't already dead.

I would highly recommend reading the PNG Experience, though I'm rarely
an author there.