I don't desire this to sound preachy, so if it does let me know.
Part of the process of becoming a missionary is learning to let go of control.
Control of when the support will come in, how long it will stay.
There is also the kind of control that comes in the form of leverage.
Americans have leverage because of competition and because they are consumers.
If a service you pay for, doesn't live up to your standards, there is competition you can go to.
As a consumer, you have power and control.
Inside of a missionary organization things are different than inside of a company.
In a company, if they want you to train on something, they pay for the training, and typically it is optional but strongly encouraged.
In a missionary organization, the training is mandatory, and they don't pay for it.
Does it strike you in an odd way if I said, "you have to go to this class, AND you have to pay for it."
In my corporate America culture, that is an offending thought. I don't HAVE to do anything, I'm an employee with skills, I can quit and join a competitor!
Pay for it? Why would I pay for something YOU need me to do?
And so we have this sense of control, of leverage, of options.
I'm in the process of discovering how it feels to lose those ...options.
Admittedly, I have discovered that a lot of my trust is in my ability to creatively negotiate my options.
I don't like getting stuck in a corner in any way. Whether it's a service I pay for, or my career. I like to have possibilities.
It boils down to, finding the truth behind where my trust lies.
When I desire control, and I become upset when I can not have it, I discover that my trust lies in my abilities.
We're losing control. (not self-control). We're losing a lot of our ability to exert force over our environment.
It seems like a sad thing but it isn't.
We are discovering the truth behind putting our trust in Jesus (who is alive!).
Our hope is in Jesus. Not in ourselves.
The possibilities in Christ are endless, who can stand against Him?
Truly, this is a process of dying to self. It is not an easy process. Admittedly for the past week or two I've been emotionally struggling with the idea.
But in the last two days, I've changed from focussing on us, what WE lose, what WE are giving up, and instead discipline my heart towards praising God. It is amazing how, you think you figured it out before making the decision. You say "sure I can give up this, and this and this" and the growth doesn't really come from the easy things to give up, it's when you hit the parts that are harder to give up, the sneaky ones, the parts you didn't anticipate. Something as small as the fact that you won't have as much variety in life.
It was not until I was praising God that my perspective was altered, and I was transformed into a step of humility and understanding.
God is great, God is good. Christ is Risen!
Our trust is not in ourselves it is in Christ.
Our trust is not in our ability to make things work, but in God's ability to fulfill His plan.
still on the journey.
