I almost think I need to create new names for emotions as it seems the
current available ones don't quite cut it.
Anticisolation - the anticipation that you will soon be very very
alone. Explanation: I have been asked to go to the village for 2 weeks
coming very soon. This has taken me by surprise, but I'm looking forward
to it. It does however exaggerate the thought that not only do I have
only a short time left with my daughter before she moves out of the
house in June. But I also will be away from my family for 2 weeks, in a
remote locations.
Divestsive - the obsessive and overwhelming urge to suddenly rid
yourself of all your material belongings. I'm sitting in my office, and
looking at all the stuff I have around me, knowing that in June my
family will be making the long journey back to the U.S. and all I can
think is, I want to take a garbage can and just throw it all away. The
urge to rid myself of everything I own strikes suddenly, and I believe
it happens when the pendulum swings the other way from the missionary
'save it because you may need it'. I have pieces of electronics laying
around in case someone could use it to fix something else. I have rolls
of duct tape, sugru, a packet of balloons, an old fushigi someone gave
me, some cockroach chalk, led flashlights, empty cans of pringles
(useful!!) zip ties, etc. I'm surrounded in useful junk that I just
want to trash!
iFrustration - the impatient anger that leads to defeat which comes from
filling out taxes, online banking, buying plane tickets, handling
college applications all online while the internet is slow or non
functional. We have 3 available paths to the internet. My wife and
daughter are gone this weekend so time to do taxes and get caught up on
everything right? WRONG, all 3 are having major problems and nothing is
working.
And the one I call 'Old MacDonald':
Because when you experience one, two, or three of the above at the same
time, as I am right now, it can be lumped together to cause you to have:
Extremely Irrational Expensive Irritated Outbreak (E.I.E.I.O.) - this is
when you're convinced that you can fix all your problems by doing
something near insane, like, building your own satellite dish, mounting
it on your roof, and aiming into space. Or driving 4 hours away hoping
the internet works there, or calling someone in the U.S. and begging
them to help. Whatever it is, we've all faced 'Old MacDonald' a time or
two. I have only seen 1 person ever run out of their house screaming in
all of my time here, but I know others have wanted to. 'Old MacDonald'
typically comes on stronger the closer one gets to trip home.
Today my wife and daughter are off helping run a women's support
ministry weekend.
In 1.5 weeks I fly into Aitape to help technical needs during a
translation workshop.
In late June we fly to the U.S. for a 3 month stay to get our daughter
setup in college.
The logistics of all of this, the expense, the need for online time is
all building up and today I'm just trying not to blow. It's at moments
like these, when you are very loudly reminded that WE are not in
control, that GOD is in control. And that calms me.... it calms a me a
lot because I don't know how to fly the plane, but God does.
