I haven't ranted in a while.. this one is a bit of a long winded thought.
I’ve been reading the Bible since I’ve been able to read. One of the things that fascinates me the most about it, is that I seem to always be able to come up with something I didn’t see before, or that didn’t give me pause in an earlier reading. Yesterday we buried my grandmother. Today I opened the book of Exodus to continue with chapter 4. I got to verses 24-26 and my ‘just-woke-up’ brain had a hundred questions about this passage. It is a very confusing passage and my take on it is that Moses had acquiesced to his wife's desire to avoid circumcising their son which God did not like and rectified. God was not going to let Moses have sin in his family before he went to lead the Israelites out of Egypt.
Men in ministry have responsibility and I've been thinking about the true sadness of seeing people finish their lives poorly.
During our preparation to move to Papua New Guinea, my wife and I underwent a lot of prayer and soul searching and begging God to bring any sin between us to the open so we could confess it, repent, heal, and avoid the situation where a sin is exaggerated in the field. Too many missionaries have imploded on the field from not dealing with God honestly. It is our utmost concern that we not fail. Truly what's the point of uprooting yourselves, leaving your life and family behind in an honest endeavor to serve God and obey His calling... If you're going to get there and be ineffective... or worse, totally and utterly fail in a public way?
I'm aware that people in authority have an extra portion of spiritual responsibility. Because of that I've never endeavored to take on authority.
As a man, a husband, a father, and now a missionary (gulp) I feel the burden and weight of this on my shoulders and I desire to continue being a pure man of integrity, and have put up disciplines and practices to help me maintain that lifestyle. Not the least of which is a true friend who holds me accountable.
Over the past three years I've seen men (and women) fail. I suppose fail is a strong word, possibly I should use the phrase, 'become overwhelmed to the point where they have to pause their ministry'. It makes me sad. In my youth I think I was judgmental of men who succumbed to one weakness or another, but as an adult I recognize how easy it would be. And I'm not just talking about the biggies, but about the small ones too. Things as simple as not spending enough attention on family. Being unkind. The little things that add up over the years. There are a myriad of issues that could cause a ministry to stop in it's tracks and the enemy will find that weakness and exploit it. He will attempt to do so HARDER the more fruitful your ministry is. Often times we see a long strain of bad occurences as an indicator that your ministry has potential and has gotten on the enemy's radar.
I'm constantly vigilant for these types of things, because truly, I want to end my life well, and I want to glorify God and bear good fruit... This is the reason for our sacrifice and our obedience, but in order to give that value we have to maintain a life of integrity which is harder and harder to do in a world where the enemy grows stronger.
So I suppose these verses in Exodus moved me, even if they were a tad confusing at first. I am very thankful that I have a wife who is a help mate and not a stone around my neck. She is very much a teammate in our endeavor in PNG and anywhere we go. Yesterday as we buried my grandmother and people praised her godly character, I looked over at my wife and I truly and deeply appreciated her for her help in this time and how I can always rely on her to be a help to all around her. I looked at my children and saw two well adjusted kids who enjoyed talking to people and sharing their hearts about Papua New Guinea. And I looked up and said a silent prayer to God.
'Thank you for them God, and please don't let me muck it up.'
